If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be? For some odd reason, I ask myself this question quite frequently. Does anyone else do this? I would say I have this conversation with myself at least once per month. Strange, I know but I never said my thoughts were normal. Well, I was driving home from Brookfield yesterday and the “if I could be any animal” thought came back into my head. I spent the next ten minutes audibly conversing with myself about becoming an animal. There is no shame in talking to yourself when you are driving solo.
Much like the previous discussion, I reaffirmed my decision that if I was an animal that I would want to be a dairy cow. I cannot think of an animal that lives a better life than a dairy cow. It may be tempting to be plain and boring and say a dog or a cat. Or for the rebels out there, you may choose to be a fierce predator that lives a life of action like a lion or shark. But if I was an animal I would want to be out of harms way and living a life of leisure; hence, my desire to be a dairy cow. A dairy cow spends its day grazing in a pasture and feeding on grass. How great is that? I think it sounds fabulous! Sign me up ASAP! The only real requirement of a dairy cow is to produce milk. I am not real familiar with farming, but I would imagine that with today’s technology this is a relatively painless process for the animal. So, as a dairy cow, I would get to spend the majority of my day being lazy and eating, and then occasionally get milked! Please keep your minds out of the gutter—I am talking as a cow not a human. Before becoming a cow I would have a few requests to the animal maker or the applicable powers that be. 1. I want to be a California dairy cow. Sorry, Wisco cows but I would much rather be meandering in sunny, warm weather than in the bitter cold that dominates the Midwest. 2. I have zero desire to be a beef cow (is that the proper term?) so if I can’t be a dairy cow I need to pick a new animal. 3. If the ability to produce milk is not unlimited, please keep me around to graze the pastures and act as a mentor to other cows. I don’t even know the life expectancy of a dairy cow. Hmmm, maybe I should have done some research before writing this blog. 4. Do not make me sleep outside. This would subject me to the idiots that think cows sleep standing up and can be tipped over. I do not want to have to deal with that. I am starting to look like a high maintenance dairy cow.
I know that everyone has thought about this many times so please share your animal aspirations with me and my readers. Don’t be shy. I just got done telling you how I would want to be an animal that gets milked!
A few other items to mention:
1. The Rubber Souls bowling team got its first victory last night! We beat the 2nd place team with amazing performances by all team members. Shout out to Sabs for breaking 100 and getting her first turkey.
2. I saw a billboard that was advertising a pair of jeans. The slogan read as follows, “Ballroom jeans. Crouch without the ouch.” Is that an appropriate message to be displayed in the city of Madison? Maybe I have a gross mind but when I read this billboard, I had one thought and one thought only.
3. I have not had pop or candy in 69 or 28 days respectively. The pop cravings have subsided for the most part; however, there is not a day that goes by that I do not contemplate raiding our receptionist’s candy bowl and eating every piece of candy. Will it get any easier?
Dairy Cows 4 Life,
The Bean Spiller
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Jeannie what happened to your favorite animal the hippo? what about that fun game the hungry hippo? A dairy cow?????? no for me it would be an eagle for the obvious reasons if birds are allowed in your imaginary role playing. If I had to chose an animal it would be a fox. sleek, fast and smart!!!!
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